If you’ve ever feared taking up too much space, this newsletter is for you.
If you’ve ever left a meeting thinking you said the wrong thing, were too outspoken or should have said more, this newsletter is for you.
If you’ve ever redrafted an email ten times, pressed send, re-read the sent message and panicked you got the tone wrong, this is for you.
If you’ve ever had a passion project that you’re desperate to complete but never can because life keeps getting in the way, this is for you.
I started drafting my first Substack newsletter in August 2024. I sent it to countless family members, friends and colleagues to proofread. I wanted their assurance that I’d got the tone right, that I didn’t sound above my station, that I wasn’t sounding insensitive, arrogant, annoying……I was worried about having a voice, sticking my head above the parapet and what people would think.
Then I got selected for the Women in Film and Television Fearless Leadership Programme. The brilliant coach Tracy Forsyth encourages you to be courageous and strive for what you believe in. So in January, on the anniversary of my Mum’s burial in Barbados, I published my first Mouth Open, Story Jump Out newsletter.
February’s dispatch offers my tips on vanquishing self-limiting beliefs to INSPIRE, UPLIFT and NOURISH you.
Do your eyes ever fling open in the dead of night to your inner-critic whispering, ‘Why did you say that? Why did you send that email? Why did you send your manuscript out on submission when it’s not ready…’ Your sleepy brain instantly attuned to misspelt words, lowered voices and imagined slights from days or weeks before. Reawakening self-limiting beliefs like ‘I’m not good enough’ and ‘I don’t belong.’
If I’m rattled by a dawn vigil I dig into my ‘You’ve Got This’ toolkit. Maybe you’ll find something useful to help you navigate self-doubt too:-
Reach out to an ‘angel’ friend – someone who champions and challenges you and has your best interests at heart.
Read The Chimp Paradox by Professor Steve Peters - my go to book when my inner critic gets too loud. It was recommended by a friend’s neurologist to help her manage her stress levels after brain surgery. His follow up Pathway Through the Jungle is great too.
Make time for the things that bring you joy. I used to think bandwidth is infinite. It isn’t. Every yes leads to a depletion of energy and attention elsewhere. The more I say yes, the less time I have to spend on my passion project – the book in progress.
And then I pick up my notebook and start writing because that’s what I do when I feel bad or good or meh. Then I feel better.
When I’m waiting for notes back on my manuscript I often regress to feeling like my vulnerable sixteen-year-old self, leaning out of my bedroom window, knees static-shocking from the purple nylon bedspread, longing for my boyfriend to appear at the end of the road. I’m so far out of my comfort zone I might topple out of that first-floor window into the bathtub below that Mum converted into a flower bed. No amount of varnished planks of wood or planting could disguise its former use. Misgivings like ‘Why pretend to be something you’re not?’ creep in.
And I need to remind myself that some days, weeks, or even months it’s ok to do nothing.
To put down your pen, to not open your laptop.
To observe and to listen.
To hear the searing sound of the angle grinder pushing through metal, glad you’re not at a desk within earshot of the building site as the assault recedes behind you.
To feel the feathery mist of rain that prompts you to put up your old broken umbrella, alone in a wave of bobbing heads, determined to conserve that seal-slick bun.
To sink into the exhaustion of the grinding commute and be subsumed by the twisting narrative of the book you’re reading instead of your inbox and a tutting email chain.
To acknowledge the brush of a stranger’s arm as you battle for the arm rest.
To remember the joy of being creative.
Pausing gives us time to reflect. Diving into that passion project or speaking up in that room isn’t about hubris. It’s about exceeding our inner and outer critics’ expectations, defying stereotypes and most importantly, relishing having ideas above our station.
References:
https://www.wftv.org.uk/fearless-leadership-programme